Thursday, October 23, 2008


I have a cold so no work for me.

There's two things I know I can always count on in my life: my mom and my grandma. They've been there for me since the beginning and they always have advice for me. My grandma always visited me in the nursery and I've always seen her plenty. My mom has always helped me with whatever bullshit I'm going through.

She's also helping me figure out what to do right now, and making sure I don't just give up and stay a miserable p.o.s.

I'm not dropping my hard-as-shit literature class. I'm taking the midterm and at this point, I feel good about it. I guess our teacher wants us to just do well and understand, rather than amaze her with these clear and brilliant points on poetry and the meanings of the works. 

I also have to take a Sociology midterm, but I like Sociology and it makes sense.

Maybe I'll be a translator but maybe I'll do sociology/anthropology. I could also possibly study Greek or Mandarin or Portuguese. I don't know, I just find the ability to speak multiple languages extremely amazing. Not in another person romantically, but just in general.

America needs more foreign language education. 

Okay, I need to get ready. Wish me luck.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Two months and counting

I've been home for two months.

I've thought about starting to blog anonymously and I think its what I needed to do.

Long story short, I spent a year out of the States. I can speak Japanese now. I can't say I would live in Japan for the rest of my life, but I made some good friends.

Two problems.

1) I have no clue why my major is what it is, why I'm still in NYC, what the fuck I'm doing and why the fuck I'm still alone. I have 5 friends that I see. That's right, 5. I have not been out for weeks. I'm lost.

2) I can't say some of my friends in Japan ever really connected with me, but while I complain about that, what the fuck about my friends here? Are any of them worth it?

I haven't been able to sleep. I just zone the fuck out. I haven't handed in assignments and right as I'm about to graduate (relatively anyway) I'm wanting to leave. Drop everything, go someplace new with no connections. Japan was that but in a way it was still connected to me. 

I have been home for two months and not for one moment have I felt like this is where I should be.

I just want to be in my favorite city chugging beers and speaking Janglish. Or with some good friends here. 

Doesn't anyone else feel fucking frustrated with their lives and like they're in the completely wrong spot with nothing to do about it?