Sunday, October 19, 2008

Two months and counting

I've been home for two months.

I've thought about starting to blog anonymously and I think its what I needed to do.

Long story short, I spent a year out of the States. I can speak Japanese now. I can't say I would live in Japan for the rest of my life, but I made some good friends.

Two problems.

1) I have no clue why my major is what it is, why I'm still in NYC, what the fuck I'm doing and why the fuck I'm still alone. I have 5 friends that I see. That's right, 5. I have not been out for weeks. I'm lost.

2) I can't say some of my friends in Japan ever really connected with me, but while I complain about that, what the fuck about my friends here? Are any of them worth it?

I haven't been able to sleep. I just zone the fuck out. I haven't handed in assignments and right as I'm about to graduate (relatively anyway) I'm wanting to leave. Drop everything, go someplace new with no connections. Japan was that but in a way it was still connected to me. 

I have been home for two months and not for one moment have I felt like this is where I should be.

I just want to be in my favorite city chugging beers and speaking Janglish. Or with some good friends here. 

Doesn't anyone else feel fucking frustrated with their lives and like they're in the completely wrong spot with nothing to do about it?

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